Eulogy

Eulogy: As delivered by Captain Jonas Grumby

Today we gather to pay our respects to a man whose life was never boring nor precictable. An uncoordinated, bumbling man with the aptitude of a coffee pot, (quiet laughter), but a man who would pick up a butterfly on his finger to move it to a more nectarous flower. We loved him for both those reasons. He was able to survive the perils of being marooned on a deserted island, including a very close call with a boa constrictor, to the tsunami from the earthquake which nearly took his life as well several of us here too. Sadly, however, making it back to civilization was fraught with its own dangers.

Upon our return, his penchant for Angus beef was his demise; he choked to death on a piece of Omaha Steak he had purchase on QVC's Monday Meat Marathon. A sudden and unexpected tragedy, indeed. It is not only an honor for me to cast off my best friend, but to do so in the company of those who knew him best: Thurston Howell, III, Eunice Wentworth Howell, Ginger Grant, Roy Hinkley, renowned professor, and Mary Ann Summers. We never even know your last name. Farewell, Gilligan, (choking back tears), my "Little Buddy."